Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I finally got around to reading the post secret secrets for this week. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw this one:


It gave me the chills.

See, MY birth mother was 15 or 16 when I was born. She was LDS (mormon) and was strongly encouraged to put me up for adoption since she was too young to get married or take care of a child on her own.

That is according to the stories that I have heard. Long story short, my birth mom and I just happened to have the same Seminary teacher in high school. His name is Gary. Gary and his wife were in the process of adopting and since this is such a small town word gets around pretty quickly. My adoptive mom (Nonnie) became very close friends with them and helped them out the best she could. Nonnie knew Gary had taught Seminary at one of the high schools in the city I was born in around the time I was born. She casually asked Gary if he had known my birth mom (obviously she used her name) either while he was teaching or involved with the LDS church. He knew her and remembered that she had been pregnant. Putting 2 and 2 together he figured it out.

Shortly after that, Gary and his wife got the baby they were waiting for and had to move. Their baby's birth mom apparently was mentally unstable and they were afraid that if she found them she would try to take him back or something.

I didn't know that the conversations about my birth mother even happened until after I had turned 18 and by then Gary and his family had been long gone to somewhere in Utah.

I would give just about anything to be able to talk to Gary about my birth mom. It would be one step closer to finding her. I really don't know if I want a relationship with her, that is something I go back and forth on because it scares the shit out of me. I just want her to know that she did make the right decision and that I have never been angry about it. I want to know what she and my birth father look like. I want to know if I have any siblings out there.

Most of all, I want my medical history. I hate having to explain to doctors and dentists and psychologists and insurance companies why I leave all the answers blank when the forms ask for the parents medical history. The look of pity most of them give me pisses me the hell off.

Back before Hubbs and I got married, he took me to the city my birth parents went to school in. He found the public library where the high school year books were stored and made arrangements for us to go in and be able to spend all day searching through the year books looking for either of my birth parent's pictures. We did find one picture that matched my birth father's name but the picture was of a black guy and I am so white I am clear. While it is technically possible, I don't think it was really him, but it would totally be okay if it was.

I have to go pick up Hubbs from FIL's house in a minute. Maybe I will post more about the whole adoption thing tomorrow, maybe some other day, or maybe not. I don't really get in the mood to post about it very often and I usually change my mind and delete it instead of publishing it.


Alabaster Mom said...

This makes me doubly glad that my daughter does have a medical history, at least from her birthmother's side of the family. Her birthfather always denied paternity, which will result in a sticky explanation for me someday.

My daughter's birthmother no longer wants contact with us, but I wrote down her address and info and put it in a file so that if my daughter wants it later, she can have it. I also sent her birthmother a letter and told her that if she wants to see A next week or in 10 years, we remain open to a visit. My daughter will have lots of questions but at least I can fill in some details like names, etc.

Samantha said...

A is so lucky to have you for her mom! I am sorry that her birth mom doesn't want contact anymore but I think it is great that you are okay with a visit when (if) she decides to. You are doing a great job.