Well, At Least We Expected It

Hubbs got the call that his grandma died this morning.

He was in Colorado all last week visiting with her and we didn't expect her to last this long.

She has been ill for a long time. A few months ago she ended up in the hospital and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. They ran tests and did exams and finally decided that she was losing blood but didn't know where or why.

She had been receiving blood transfusions for the past couple of months but sometime around the end of July, the doctors said that they weren't going to give her any more transfusions and that she needed to get her affairs in order.

So we are going up to Colorado Wednesday morning. The viewing is Wednesday night, the funeral is Thursday and there is some family thing on Friday.

I have a feeling that things are going to get ugly. I was already told that kids will not be allowed at the funeral or the viewing. So that means I get to sit around MIL's house for hours with the boys. I am not too happy about not being allowed to be there to support Hubbs but I can see the point, to an extent. I wouldn't want to sit in a church filled with unhappy little kids. Not even my own, so it is better that they don't go.

The problem that I have is that no one even asked me if I wanted to be there. Nobody took MY feelings into consideration. I get that she wasn't MY grandma but I married her grandson almost 7 years ago and that is plenty of time for her to become like one of my grandmas. Somebody find me a damn babysitter because I want to be there. I know, it is such a bullshit thing to be pissed about and I feel like such an ass for even being pissed about it in the first place.

But I feel like I get left out of everything anymore. I am the one who always stays home with the kids. I really don't have any choice in the matter. Any matter. Everybody has just been expecting me to not argue or not question it. Hubbs never says he will stay home while I go out and do something. If I go do something, the whole damn family goes.

I am so sick of not having any say anymore. I get to decide what pan I want to use to make dinner in or what clothes I want to dress the kids in. That is the extent of my decision making anymore. I hate it.

Ugh. I really hope this is just my crazy ass hormones and I don't keep feeling like this.